reflection

In grade school
I vividly remember the first day
When the teacher would go through the class roll
And ask every student if they had a nickname they'd rather go by

And Matthew Steffen was always "Matt"
And Samantha Rumney was always "Sammy"
Rebecca Hagen was always "Becca"
And Aaron Becht was always "AJ"
Christopher Adams was always "Chris A"
And Christopher Barbano was "Chris B"

But I always had to say NO when asked that question
Because my name was not only unique
But it was CRIS when shortened
And I didn't want a name that 2 other people in my class already had
So I never got a shortened name or nickname

This brings me to how I even got my name
...

It's the year 1988
My mom has 2 daughters and a son already
All above the age of 7 at the time
She's pregnant with her 4th child
And at a doctor visit
Is told that she should prepare herself
Mentally and emotionally
In case her baby daughter is born with downs syndrome
...
Fast forward to November of 1988
...
I was born
SANS DOWNS SYNDROME
:]
And my mom saw me
Thought I was just perfect n' shit
And named me CRYSTAL
Like the glass---without imperfection
My unique ass name
Was because I was born not retarded
Basically

I'm the one with the biggest smile
An angel of sorts
With the most unique name in my family
And I love it more now that I know why I got that name
It wasn't just something my parents thought was cute
It meant something to my mother
Back during a time when things were good with my family
When my parents loved each other
I got my name out of love for a child

I'd also like to point out that
during this point in my life
When I was around 4 or 5 years old
I started introducing myself to people
and saying "I was supposed to be retarded"
...
Cause I had and still have a sense of humor about the situation
It's better than when my mom was pregnant with my little brother
and the doctor told her he was going to be a fucking MIDGET
[which I'm kinda mad he isn't one...]
But my mom LAUGHED at the doctor when that happened
:D :D

How normal I am
Is completely debatable to date
But I know that I'm very happy with the way things are
And I love every aspect of my life on any given day
No matter how hard shit gets
I am content
And positively positive

And I finally feel fucking gorgeous
About time