an outlet

over the last year
i began distancing myself
from my father

i became involved
with our coffee shop
consumed, even

my family experienced a lot
that was traumatizing
had to strengthen ourselves
for something we hadn't anticipated
never saw coming
and we've made it a long way despite
the circumstances

but my dad has changed

and not in a positive manner
so i don't feel close with him anymore

sometimes
you look back
and remember the good times
but can't seem to suppress all of the bad

i can't obtain my own personal nirvana
while my dad is constantly a grump about life

i want to tell him that.
i want him to know that i love him.
but that he's caused a lot of trauma to my adolescent self.




my parents' messy marriage
the fighting
the physical contact
the scapegoating on me
the divorce papers
the finalization

it still haunts me.